Ghosting on dating sites

Women and men often ghost people on social media, in life and on dating sites. 

Why? 

There is one clear and concise answer: 

1. They are not into you. 

This reality hurts very, very much, that's why we refuse or we have trouble accepting it. 

Most don't want to conceive that in the slightest. 

They keep ruminating about all possible (and impossible) explanations when the answer is right in front of them. 

"But we've chated for days, weeks, months! Everything was alright. It makes no sense." 

It does make a lot of sense, but it's hard to look into it. 

2. These people who ghosted you might not have been into you from the start. 

Human beings (us = many) know what they need from a relationship. They have an ideal partner in mind. But that ideal is not within reach. Therefore, we compromise. 

• They have indulged you while still looking for "The One". 
• They were bored and chatting with you was better than being completely lonely. 
• Maybe you showed potential, at first. 

But men (sorry, as I said, I am a woman) don't think. They act. 

Some men are overestimating themselves. 

3. You might have said something to upset this person. Or, quite the opposite, you didn't say anything (or the right thing) when it was expected. 

Yes. That is often the case. 

Compliments are free to give. Be generous! Don't hold anything back, but don't be a pig. Test the terrain first. 

But you don't do that, do you? 

Women look for validation and you can't stand that. 

Well, my fellow human, if you refuse to give validation (which is totally free) accept the consequences: be ghosted. 

Quid pro quo. 

You don't give anything, but want a lot in return. 

You do know that every human being is capable of living on their own? Don't you? 

They don't need you. 

But if you gave something, you might gain something else. 

When you refuse to give validation - I mean, paying compliments - that's asking a lot from a woman (sorry). 

Why would she (or him) be happy to be with you? 

For sex?! 

Look around. 

No, really, look carefully around you. 

What do you see? 

Billions of people in this world. 

Is that really so difficult to find a person willing to have (consensual) sex with you? 

Why should they, if you don't want to give anything? 

And I don't mean money or things, but something inexpensive: validation! Compliments. 

How to pay compliments without sounding creepy and desperate? 

Well, that is... difficult to explain. I mean, it is simple to explain, just difficult to understand when one is not into... psychology. 

Learn. 

The internet is an endless source of free information. 

But you don't have time for that, do you? 

You're too busy chasing, hunting people out of your league. 

I ghost men. No, I am not proud of it. 

I ghost them because we are not compatible and if I try to explain, they will "reason" with me. And we go on and on and on for ages. 

I don't have time for that. 

How do I know that we are incompatible? 

Read my profile (here, click). 

When do I realise that we are not a match? 

Right from the start. 

Why do I engage in any conversation then? 

Politeness. 

You do know what politeness is, right? 

Good manners. Ever heard of them? 

They write to me, I usually say "Thank you." 

I always mean: "Thank you, but no, thank you", I just can't say it right away because they didn't ask or offer anything. Normally, they send: "You're beautiful, attractive, fascinating, gorgeous. Nice picture. I love how you laugh. I love your smile. I am pluphioville too. etc." 

I can't just say: "We are not a match, why in the world you'd think we are? Have you bothered to read my profile?" 

Another reason I ghost men (I am heterosexual. Yes. Boring). is because they want to speak to me over the phone, video calling and such. 

They want to check if I am who I say I am. 

I cannot stand that. 

If a man wonders if I am who I say I am, it means they are not at all what I am looking for. 

They know nothing about humans. 

We can't be compatible. 

I never ask myself if a man is who he says he is. Because I know he is... NOT! 

Yes, there are so many scammers out there. I am sorry if they got to you. 

But the reason they got to you is that you don't think, you act. 

You see a beautiful picture, and you want that woman. 

You don't ponder: "Is she out of my league? Is she too much for me? Do I deserve that? etc." 

You don't have to be rich, handsome, tall and so on to avoid being ghosted. 

You just have to be... HUMAN. 

Be nice. Thoughtful. Truthful. 

It's not that hard. Really, it isn't. 

Try it. 

But do it with the right person. 

You can aim as high as you want, but, man, do not throw pearls to pigs! 

Know who you are going for. Take some time out of your precious schedule to read the profile carefully. A quarter of an hour saves you from being ghosted. 

Stop running from one profile to another one. Do your homework. Chose wisely. Give something. 

If you contact me, without reading and acknowledging the main points in my summary, you will be ghosted. A lot sooner than later. 

If you ignore that I am busy (because no writer in the world is ever free), then you will be ghosted with no remorse. 

Don't waste my time and I am not going to waste yours. 

You think I ought to be nice to you when you are everything but nice to me? 

Think again. 

I am not the cruel one in this equation. You are. For disrespecting who I am and what I do. 

What you give is what you receive. 

Karma. 

These are some of the reasons that ghosting on dating sites (but not only) is so frequent. 

Don't blame it on those who ghost you, you're the only one to blame. 

There are better people than you out there. 

Heck, there are better people than me, your neighbour, your president, the pope and so on. 

Fitter, smarter, more good-looking, more mannered or charming. 

I am sure... I know that many of those who get ghosted are good people. I feel for them, unfortunately, the reasons they are ghosted are the same as above. 

Not because they are nice or "too nice", but because whoever ghosts them, is not into them. 

As long as people ask without giving, ghosting will never go extinct. All is lost for feelings. 

Modern dating is the new Sodom and Gomorrah, where love is six feet under. 

If you read this to the end, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. It's pretty depressing, I know. 

On top of that, who am I to tell the world these things? 

Why should my opinion matter? 

I don't know. 

Do you?